Friday, February 8, 2013

T Minus 5 Months minus 1 Day

So I didn't get around to posting yesterday, but it was a milestone.  Five months from yesterday I hit the big 4-0.  Yes, I know this happens all the time.  But you see, for me, this number holds a [false] significance.  As I have mentioned here before, I have wanted - NO, I HAVE KNOWN, I would be a wife and mother.




And for some reason, after my boyfriend (to whom I was verbally engaged) and I broke up the summer of 1994, I thought that if I wasn't married by the time I turned 40... would be too late.

Too late for the false timeline I had for my life.  That went out the window 6/5/94!  (We were to marry in 95, I would have our first child about 4 yrs later when I was 25 and have all the children by the time I was 35).

Now, all these many years later, I wonder sometimes.  Sometimes I wonder if God remembers my dream.

Of course He does. 

He is Almighty God.  He is the same God today as He was on June 5, 1994 when I heard words that changed my world forever (which I can see now was a blessing and how that marriage would have been miserable!)

He is the same God today as He was on November 3, 2000 when I had a hysterectomy for medical reasons and said goodbye to that way of being a Mommy.

He is also the same God as He was on 4/26 and 11/29/07, 12/19/09, 11/28 and 12/11/11 - when beautiful babies were born that now call me Aunt Sarah.  Some are related to me by blood - others by the bond of the Body of Christ.  I love these children - and these cutie pies - as if they were my own. The Lord has definitely partially filled the void in that part of my heart this way.

With no "hot prospects" (no warm or even lukewarm ones either!) - I have dreaded this year for a long, long, time. Because I was basing everything on my false timeline.

God obviously has other plans.

I don't know what they are.  But I know He has been good to me.  Very, very good.  So much better than I deserve.  I have so many blessings.

So, instead of looking at the calendar with dread as each day ticks closer and closer to the day of 4-0, I'm choosing to be intentionally grateful for all my numerous blessings.

I bought a special [purple of course!] journal, and purple pens.  And every day, I'm going to record at least one thing, that I am grateful for - and maybe a verse that I read in my quiet time that was extra special that day.

So, if by chance I am tempted to have a pity party on 7/7/13 because of what I don't have and aren't yet, I will have 150 entries and verses to look back on - and put my focus where it always should be.  Because while my life now is nothing like I thought it might be on my false timeline, God knows best.  And this year, I'm going to choose to delight in Him and celebrate His faithfulness and goodness to me.