Saturday, October 31, 2009

His Words, My Pen: An Introduction

God made me an extremely sensitive, deeply feeling and intensely emotional being. Since my turbulent teenage years, He has provided an outlet for my often overwhelming emotions via playing the oboe. For 18 years, the music of my heart has been expressed through that tiny double reed, and has been the thing I loved most to do. The Lord has also allowed me to vent my frustrations and pain in the form of poetry. I wrote extensively in high school, but while pursuing my music career in college and graduate school, there were few poems. The poems were prayers—often written while sobbing in the middle of the night—and scarcely ever shared with a human soul.

Since January of 2002, I have experienced many health challenges, including repeatedly injuring my neck and then all the symptoms that were eventually diagnosed as Fibromyalgia. The Lord has admonished me to remember that He is God and I need only be still. In His mercy, I was able to take at least one class each semester at DTS as well as work full time from January 2002 through December 2003. Though (to this day, October 2009) I have not participated in all the activities or completed all the tasks that I would have liked, I have spent considerable time just being in His sweet presence and have enjoyed many uninterrupted hours just communing with my Lord. He has replaced the outlet of playing the oboe at this time (which is presently inhibited by my physical symptoms) with a renewed and intensified passion and love for writing. As my humble pen seeks to record all the truths He’s shouting to my heart, I’m again transfixed by His glory and His grace in my life.

God has also made me a very visual person and I am amazed at the beauty of His creation. I love to capture the wonder of His hands in pictures, and much of the time when I take a picture, I have a poem that He’s given in mind. All of the photographs included in this volume were taken by me, with my very amateur abilities!

While my Heavenly Father has provided encouragement and exhortation by my friends at DTS concerning my writing, I have never published my poetry nor shared it with any others than my closest friends. My hesitation resides in the fact that these words are straight from my heart—raw with emotion and completely honest. My insecurities and weaknesses shine through and my true nature is revealed. Yet I am beginning to understand that others are encouraged by these words the Lord has given me, and it is for this reason that I share them here. My desire is to release this gift He’s given for His glory—even if that means being terrified of the transparency that’s involved. He is the Giver of the gift, and the Author of this story in my heart.

In my heart, most of these poems are songs without melodies. I firmly believe these are His words through my pen. By this I certainly do not mean that they are inspired as in a Scriptural sense, but that they are His gift to my soul. My secret dream is that someday the Lord will provide a singer /songwriter husband to put these lyrics to music. But until then, they remain as they were given—poems yearning to be songs.

“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” Ps. 19:14 NIV

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