Monday, August 2, 2010

SUYL: My Testimony

I'm late in getting this posted, but I wanted to join in with Kelly's "Show Us Your Life--Testimonies".

I used to think I didn't have a very interesting testimony...and the beginning is fairly mundaine...but hang on, because I promise the end will be worth the reading!

I was raised in a Christian home and in church from the age of 2 weeks old. When I was 7 years old, I asked my Mom lots of questions one day and she led me to Christ. In middle school and high school I had to make the conscious decision to stand up for Christ and how it would make a difference in me versus my classmates in public school. The Lord blessed me with a great support group of Christian friends, my church youth group and being a part of the local chapter of Teens For Christ. I went to a Christian college and went through the process of deciding whether I believed what I believed because it was what I was told to believe, or whether I agreed with it. Again the Lord was faithful to provide some great friends to help me during this time.

It wasn't until the fall of 1995 when I finished my student teaching that I began making decisions that gradually and very subtly lead me away from the Lord. There was not necessarily anything overt about my drifting away from close fellowship with Christ, but I see now how one decision after another led to hardening my heart to His still, small voice.

By the time the fall of 2000 came, I was a mess. The only relationships in my life were unhealthy and I was allowing those people to lead me further away from God. I spent my first 3 days in a mental hospital (for being suicidal) in August of 2000. While I was getting help from a therapist and doctor, things continued to decline and on the evening of October 1, 2000, I had a handful of pills in my hand. In the end, I'm not sure if it was stunt for attention or if I had intended on taking them, but it doesn't matter. I had sunk to the point that I believed the lie that I was worthless and due to the choices I had made, God could not possibly forgive me or love me.

I'm so thankful that the Lord in His mercy rescued me from myself. When I woke up on October 2, 2000 in the mental hospital, I felt like the scales had come off my eyes. I made some difficult decisions medically and relationally. Just 9 months later I moved site-unseen from MI to TX to go to Dallas Seminary. The Lord transformed my life by giving me a new start. I knew no one in Dallas when I moved here in July 2001, but quickly the Lord surrounded me with a good group of friends, a solid church and a good job.

While I was never able to complete my seminary degree (due to health and mainly $$), I hope I never forget what I learned during those years--much of which was outside the classroom. I'll never forget the moment when, in 2002, I was part of a group of ladies that was privileged enough to have lunch with Dr. Howard Hendricks ("Prof" to all of us). We went around the table and each gave a short testimony about how the Lord got us to DTS. After I shared mine, he looked at me and said "wow, what a testimony". Indeed--a testimony for which I want God to get all the glory.

While I have many regrets about my years of wandering away from my Shepherd, I bask in the mercy and grace He has showered on me. I hope I never forget all He rescued me from--not only eternally in my salvation, but from myself that night in October nearly 10 years ago and many, many times since. To Him be all the glory!


  1. I'm glad He's so much bigger than you and saw your worth!

  2. This was very interesting and I appreciate you sharing. Thanks!