"What a God! His road stretches straight and smooth. Every God direction is road-tested. Everyone who runs toward Him makes it."--Psalm 18:30, The Message
What a great promise this is: "Everyone who runs TOWARD Him makes it" (emphasis mine). We don't have to run all the way to our Heavenly Father; we just need to run in His general direction. And we will make it!
The last post spoke about how weak I was last week...I was having severe migraines and then in the middle of it all, needed to sight-read and play 2 different concerts' worth of music (after not playing for more than 20 minutes in the past 6 months!). Truly the Lord did prove strong in my weakness. I not only made it through all the rehearsals (4) and concerts (4), but I did it (for the most part) headache-free, and completely migraine-free. All praise to Him!
I know there is no way I could have made it through last week/end without the prayers of many brothers & sisters in Christ. I was keenly aware of my utter and total dependence on Christ for the ability and strength for each note and each measure. There is no doubt that any good in me, any delightful or pleasant sound that I made with the oboe, was ALL HIM and none of me. I'm just thrilled He chose to use me as a vessel! It was so fun to be back where my heart is, the music ministry of my church, if but for a short time...obviously I so much wished it wasn't due to the tragedy in the life of the other oboist.
Most of my life, I have been making music of one kind or another (singing, playing piano, playing flute, playing oboe) in the church. The first time I think I sang in church for "special music" was when I was 5 and my brother M was 3.5. We sang "Trust and Obey".
Indeed, when Fibromyalgia caused me to have to stop participating in my church's choir and orchestra, it took many months for me to become comfortable in my new role of "pew/congregational member". It was a very strange feeling - as if I didn't belong. I admit that I even stayed home and neglected attending church, choosing instead to listen to the service in the comfort of my home. I'm glad to say the Lord has gotten me over that "hump", though, and I enjoy my "bird's eye" view of the platform from the balcony during the 8:00 a.m. service each Sunday.
And even now, as I remember back at the wonder and sheer beauty of making music with such talented musicians last weekend, I have already begun to miss it. Yet I know, for whatever reason, for however long this season is in my life, the Lord wants me to "just" be part of the congregation. I do not pretend to understand that, and I certainly wasn't able to explain it to all those that asked me where I had been these several years (i.e., why hadn't I been to choir or orchestra). Some other time I will post more in detail about how Fibro impacts my life, but for now, the biggest and hardest thing I have had to relinquish is my participation in orchestra and choir at church.
I'm headed in another direction now, on another journey...a journey to who I am becoming--and that is no longer defined by what part I play and/or sing. I admit it's been difficult to find myself at times without music, since it's been such a huge part of my life - and form of worship - for as long as I can remember.
But I praise the Lord for the opportunity to worship and lead in worship last weekend, and for the fun that was had just being a part of that 'world' again. How sweet is was...how very faithful He is!
WHAT A GOD! To Him be the glory - He has done, and will continue to do, great things!