Sunday, September 19, 2010

Good-byes with Regrets

Friday the lady I've worked with for 5 years retired. As I mentioned previously, this was a very difficult event in my life. Saying good-bye was extremely hard. Not only was K the perfect person to work with, but I've also come to count her as a friend. When we said good-bye, there were many tears on both our parts and many regrets on mine.

Why? Well, in the 5 years that I worked literally feet away from K, I never shared the gospel with her. She is not a believer and while I didn't filter my "praise the Lord" or "I'll be praying for you"s from her, I never shared with her the Love of my life. Yes, I invited her to church a couple times. She declined. Now all I can do is pray that someone in the new town she's moving to in CA will come alongside she and her husband and share the gospel with them. They are nice, "good" people. They even attended various churches when they were raising their children. Yet the Bible tells us all of us, (even "good people") have sinned (Romans 3:23), and that this sin will ultimately separate us from God forever (Romans 6:23).

I have asked and I believe in my heart I have received forgiveness for my sin of not sharing Jesus with my co-worker/friend. Yet my mind continually accuses me and leads me to wallow in guilt. I'm so thankful I have the truth of God's Word to remind me that my Heavenly Father has forgiven me (I John 1:9).

I am trying to turn my worry & anxiety over what my future at The Company holds into prayers for the Lord's peace and faith in Him. I am keenly aware that I am powerless to do this on my own. Several migraines in the past few weeks have been a good physical reminder of the spiritual truth that I am dependent upon the Lord for everything. I must drown the doubts and fretting with His truth and cling to what I know:

1) He is in control...of me, of The Company, of the future.
2) He has my best in mind, despite the fact that I don't deserve it for a minute.
3) He has been faithful to provide this job for me and has given me a good, supportive boss & supervisor.
4) Worrying is not going to help anything except perhaps give me more migraines and headaches. Worrying betrays the lack of faith and trust in my heart.
5) No matter what happens, even if the worst case scenario happens, He will continue to be faithful.

Because no matter how much I feel like my world is being turned upside down, He is the same God. And I'm so very humbled and grateful that He is a God of endless grace and mercy to cover my many regrets.

1 comment: